Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
