From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
