Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
