If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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