she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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