I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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