i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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