Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
