Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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