The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
