i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
