I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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