I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
