Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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