pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
