This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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