When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
