found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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