Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
