I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
