remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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