Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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