I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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