i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
