I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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