I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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