Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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