I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
