Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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