you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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