I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
