Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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