he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
why is half of my head shaved?
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