"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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