well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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