I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
