We need to rekindle our bromance
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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