You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
