Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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