Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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