Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
