Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
