in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize