It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
