every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
