They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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