I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
