i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
