I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this will be a night to untag.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
