I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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