I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
