Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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