i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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