You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
