well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
