basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
