Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
