he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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