My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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