I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
