Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
