That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
