For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
