i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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