a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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