i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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