I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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