hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
