I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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