When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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