carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Say something about gay babies.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
