K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
